its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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