dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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