My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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