Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
