True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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