You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
