I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
