i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
