I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
