He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she peed on how many people?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
