Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
