you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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