I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
