You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would fuck him just for his dog
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