Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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