....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
