i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
