they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
