No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
