Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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