So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
