I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
