I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
