I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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