i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
