Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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