please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
