Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
