Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How's work?
Spinning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
