I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
