Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
