census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
