So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone came in the potted fern
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
