I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
