There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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