He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
