So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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