So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
