I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
