it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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