i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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