omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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