real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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