just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize