does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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