wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Panties = found
Randomize
