There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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