I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize