we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
