i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
