Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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