He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
