when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
