She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
