She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
