So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
