i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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