My nipple is on Facebook.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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