Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
