I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
