I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize