I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
