yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
