I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
