you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
